So Sleepy October 15, 2009
Posted by desperategradstudent in Hours, Tired, Uncategorized.add a comment
I had to leave early yesterday.
I was doing so WELL! Monday, Tuesday: 8:30 am – 6:45 pm busting my ass, working hard. Then Wednesday hit. Oh my goodness, I’ve never felt so out of it! Perhaps it was because I didn’t get my coffee in the morning (the pumpkin spice latte found it’s way down the drain), but by the time 4:30 rolled around I thought I was going to pass out asleep!
My awesome co-worker P asked me a really relatively simple question and I, for the life of me, could NOT answer it coherantly! He was concerned about me because usually I’m really on the ball with things. I finally was able to figure out what I was trying to say, but it was bad.
So I went home around 6 instead of 6:45. It felt like a luxury, how weird is that? I was in bed around 8:20 watching some tv on my laptop, then went to bed by 9:15. I conked out quickly, but could NOT get up this morning at 6 am to workout. I slept in til 6:45 am, but I am still tired. I hope I can shake it off and get down to some serious business.
There’s so much I want to accomplish this week, but I keep getting bogged down in literature searching and journal reading. Reading the lit is a really good, really important thing to do, but it can be very tedious and most oftentimes turns into a big process. You search out one article and then it cites a reference you think might be important. So you read that reference and it cites a different source that seems good too. So you search that out and that source seems to contradict the first source, so you do more searching and before you know it, it’s been three hours and you’re confused as to how the whole process started! I’m hoping to talk to The Man today about what I’ve found from my lit searches so I can better define what else needs to be searched on.
One thing I should note, though, is that going balls to the wall has really made me see what can be accomplished. I’m already getting more done than I have in a long time and it’s a good thing.
But, I’m still exhausted.
Coffee and Health October 14, 2009
Posted by desperategradstudent in Coffee, Health, Uncategorized.add a comment
I’ve started drinking coffee.
I guess that’s not really that big of a confession. I’m a grad student, pushing hard to finish. I am TIRED in the morning, tired in the afternoon, and dragging in the evening. So I bought myself a really nice travel mug. It’s bright blue. My awesome coworker P said it looked like royal blue like a shiny new car. I really like it, but…
I don’t really like coffee.
I know that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. If I don’t like it, why have I started drinking it so often? I guess because crack is illegal. (I joke, obviously).
I generally prefer coffee flavored drinks like lattes and mochas, but those get expensive really fast. So I cut those down to once a week and either get 50¢ coffee from the department, or $1 coffee from the coffee shop just a building over, or I make it myself from home. Today I decided to treat myself with a pumpkin spice latte from the coffee shop across the street (not starbucks). It tastes TERRIBLE. Seriously, when I take a sip and exhale, I feel like I’m blowing spice flavor out my nose! I’m so unbelievably disappointed! How am I going to make it through the day today!? How am I going to go balls to the wall?! I DON’T KNOW IF I’M GOING TO MAKE IT!
*breathe*
*breathe*
Ok, I’m better. 
The last part of this equation is something I am royally ticked off about. I have hypothyroidism. I’m sure wiki has a page about it, but basically my thyroid doesn’t make enough thyroid hormone. The thyroid hormone is important and controls a LOT of stuff in the body such as metabolism and so forth. I’ve been on meds for awhile now and my levels are good. I had to go to a doctor off insurance to actually get diagnosed, but that’s a story for another day. I had to get a refill of my meds last week and, after being jerked around by CVS, I was FINALLY told last night that they are no longer making my meds. I have to go BACK to my doctor, try out new meds, see if those meds are the right strength, go up in strength if I have to, have more bloodwork taken to see if my levels are right, suffer through heart palpitations if it’s too strong, suffer through being unbelievably tired and with hair falling out if it’s not strong enough.
Again, I ask you, how am I supposed to go balls to the wall and finish this damn degree when my thyroid meds are no longer being made?!
With the world (and the non-starbucks coffee place) plotting against me, will I really ever be able to finish this doctorate?
Here’s hoping.
Balls to the Wall: Explained October 13, 2009
Posted by desperategradstudent in Advisor, Hours, Uncategorized.add a comment
First, let me start by explaining where I got the blog title: Balls to the Wall.
Just the other day, my PhD advisor (hereafter referred to either as advisor or The Man) called me into his office. Thinking nothing of it, really, a long conversation ensued where he told me that he was a little disappointed in my progress. He wanted to make sure that I could graduate in the near future and the way I was going, he wasn’t sure that I was going to make it that quickly. He wanted me to pick up the pace and work harder. He’s very tactful and well-spoken, but to me, all I could hear him saying was ‘Balls to the wall, DGS (desperate grad student, aka: Me), Balls to the wall’.
So I looked up exactly where the expression balls to the wall came from. I was a little concerned that it referred to testicles. Thankfully, it has NOTHING AT ALL to do with male anatomy. The urban dictionary has a few definitions of it, but basically it refers to either fighter planes or old steam engines where, to get maximum acceleration, one would push the lever (balls) all the way forward (to the wall). Now it commonly just means an all out effort.
So began my effort at going balls to the wall.
To be honest, I told him that I didn’t know exactly what it looked like to up my pace. I’d been feeling pretty good at my progress, though slow it may be, and felt on the verge of a break through. He reminded me that I had been ‘on the verge’ for a few years now. *blush*. So, at least to begin, my new approach means working longer hours. This is only day 2 of balls to the wall and yesterday I was here from 8:30am-6:45pm. Today I will probably work the exact same hours.
So there you have it. Balls to the wall.
